Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
I’m not really into the whole young-adult-literature-for-adults scene. I haven’t read a single Harry Potter book, nor Lemony Snicket, nor any of the Twilight series. I don’t go watch the movies. I have nothing against any of it, I just never got swept along into that tide.
And, frankly, from the pictures I’ve seen popping up all over magazines and the Internet, I thought Robert Pattinson needed a tan. I mean, he is a handsome boy for sure, but there was something about him too tall and too manikin-shaped. Too serious-looking. And thems some crazy hair.
The storyline is pretty straightforward, traditional, even cliché in many, many parts. There is nothing innovative about a vampire man falling in love with a helpless human girl. Some of the plot actually pained me, other parts make me laugh out loud—though they weren’t intended to be humorous. (Take, for example, Edward’s earliest serious moment with Bella wherein he tells her he’s a bad boy, and she should stay away—first of all, riiiight, cuz that’s going to work, and second, ummm hiiii talk about clichés!) There was an awful lot of slunking around, smouldering, and looking serious and intense. Much of the dialogue was stiff and uninteresting. But, then again, Edward and Bella were supposed to be in high school. Perhaps the dialogue was spot-on. In fact, Edward Cullen reminded me of not a few boys in high school—none of whom were actually vampires but all of whom did a lot of slunking and posing. And Bella … what was up with her? Why was everyone so in love with her?? She is pretty, but clearly girlfriend has issues. I mean, Edward is all serious and slunky and smouldery because he’s a vampire, but what was her excuse? She did a lot of being serious, and slunky, and girl-shy smouldering, and a heckofalot of talking to herself/narrating to us (which is just an irritating film conceit, anyway, hello, SHOW, don't TELL!). Not to mention how much film time she spent either staring off into space or staring intensely at Edward. Which seemed kind of weird. Then again, haha, I remember high school ... I did a lot of retarded intense staring, too, and look what it landed me: a husband, haha. (It must be said, though: NO ONE, no matter how sexy and fanged he was, could make me want to spend an eternity in high school.)
But, all those reservations aside, I have to say I was really taken with Twilight.
Because the bottom line is it was HOT. I didn’t care if Edward and Bella couldn’t string more than a few sentences together between them, because it was so HOT. HOT HOT HOT. Ridiculous, really. I mean, all they did was kiss, and the movie quickened my pulse more than any other I’ve seen in years—including movies in which people are implied to be having sex. So, what is up with that? Is it some crazy tantric film-viewing philosophy, wherein the more Edward and Bella breathe hard near each other, or stare intensely and rather inappropriately at each other, or lay near but not touching each other every last hair on their bodies on alert, or, finally, spend some quality time necking, the more our temperatures rise? To the point where, when Edward jokingly questions whether Bella is ready to become a vampire in what you know is the last 5 minutes of the film and obviously not a moment where any director would put a big “reveal” moment like having him kiss her and turn her undead, your heart is beating veryfast and you’re shouting at the screen, JUST DO IT ALREADY!! MAKE HER A VAMPIRE!! And then hurry up and have sex, please, because this whole delayed gratification thing is just not my scene!!!
But maybe that was just me?
I also liked the whole Native Americans as wolf tribe thread of the story. I liked that it gave another layer of shadow to the plot: it's not just a story about interspecies love amongst anglos, there was also this Underworld element to it, the battle of ancient clans, Vampires and Lycans, fighting to keep a tenuous peace through the centuries, and et cetera. Besides which, that Taylor Lautner (playing Quileute Jacob Black, also enamoured of Bella) is pretty easy on the eyes--and likeable. Possible future foil against Edward? Maybe Bella should go the the way of the werewolves instead? Or maybe Bella should move back to Arizona or to Florida with her Mom? Maybe!!
Anyway. Twilight. Bad in the ways I thought it'd be bad but surprisingly good in other ways.
Will definitely see the next Twilight: New Moon, due out in November of this year. Now whether or not I'll cough up $10.50 to see it in the theaters or wait for it to queue up on Blockbusteronline.com, well, we'll just have to wait and see. But after a synopsis like this, I might be hooked!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Awwww. Look how tired I am! Someone give that girl two Advil, a glass of water, and a cab, STAT!