"the false gospel of Tila Tequila."

Just the other day, Cynematic paid me a high compliment (of sorts) when she wrote: "If I want updates on Tila Tequila or somesuch, I have it entertainingly filtered by my go-to meta-girl, Mayumi–it’s waaaaay better than watching the original."

Well. Such praise set me to feeling kind of guilty about having completely lost track of Tila and her love life, as well as whether Miss New York and Tailor Made are still together. Google searches on both revealed not a heckofalot since New Year's, which is approximately the last time I was "in the loop." So, eh. As far as I know, Tiffany Pollard still loves George Weisgerber, and Tila Tequila is still half-naked and single, plotting seasons 2-5 of "A Shot at Love."

BUT I did make one pretty amazing discovery: I found the blog of a pastor ("Life under the blue sky: the view from below") who, in one amazing blog entry, actually uses scripture to craft the argument that God does not condone Tila Tequila. Basically, this man objects to Tila's rather loose conceptualization of "god," "religion," and "love," among other things. His main objection seems to be that she proudly proclaims herself as "bisexual"; close on the heels of that objection is another that she prostitutes herself out by parading around in itsy-bitsy outfits. He insists that he first heard of Tila Tequila the day he blogged about her (October 2, 2007), only visited her myspace page once, and did not--heavens no!--look at any of her pictures or videos, at least not for more than four seconds at a time, after which we all know that his holy retinas would burn straight out of his head. And anyway, he was just looking at the pictures for research purposes, the same reason why he subscribes to Playboy.

OK. WHOA. STOP IT, SELF. This is not "right speech," as detailed in the blog entry I posted here a few days ago and which I insisted I would be using to shape my words and my life.

But how can I be charitable towards someone who takes such a unbending position on sexuality? Gay dudes and lesbian ladies are my peeps, yo. And I don't appreciate people that overproselytize their beliefs. Here's how religion would be in my ideal world: believe what you want to believe, absolutely sing to the choir, and don't force your beliefs down anyone else's throat.

The moral of this story is: Don't mess with the gays, or their fag hags/fruit flies will totally cut you.